inspiration - pt. 2

Catch up with 'inspiration - pt. 1', here.

My other inspiration to reach my goal, and reach it in Californ-I-A, is my recipient. I chose this particular race in L.A., for an opportunity to visit my kidney. My right kidney is feeling lonely and needs a hug, so, I decided to reach out to my recipient and ask her if she would be open to meeting me. I got an enthusiastic text message reply from her... "Yes, yes, yes!"

Visiting California, participating in my first half marathon and giving myself a much overdue vacation were all part of my plan. As joyful and exciting as it would be to meet my recipient for the first time, I didn't want that possibility to interfere with my goal. It had crossed my mind that Julia would not be receptive to me throwing myself at her (now who could deny me?) and cashing in on my visitation right. I didn't want to plan my trip to L.A. contingent upon her acceptance or rejection of my request to meet her.  So, I waited 2 days after I registered to reach out to her, and I'm glad I did. For the last 3 months my focus has been on my training, not on meeting her. It's not healthy for me emotionally, to have expectations in my life that I have no control over.

There's still a chance that Julia will not want to, or be able, to meet me. Many donors never get this opportunity. Some simply don't want to know or connect with their recipients. Some are promised a contact and then the recipient never follows through with the connection. Others still just can't make it happen because of the distance between them. I decided that it's now or never for me. As much as I love to travel, I don't have available vacation time, and my income is tied up in wine, Starbucks and athletic wear. I mean, a girl's gotta live, right? I need this time, for me. Plus, I love my job so much I know I won't want to take another vacation for at least 3 years.

My training has been going so well, I almost feel like I'm jinxing myself saying this out loud. I'm not denying that it has been hard, damn hard, but I feel so good about my progress. I think that following my plan precisely and maintaining some discipline with my nutrition has led me to successful preparation. I haven't been logging my pace - honestly, I could care less how long it takes me to finish. I've never been competitive, and my goal is to finish with a smile on my face. I fight my fatigue daily, and there have been times that I came so close to going straight home after work instead of hitting the park to run, but I can't let my fatigue beat me.

Simmer down, it's a temp. 

There's no doubt that my recipient has been a significant inspiration to me. Some might think that it's absurd to have someone you don't know be such a motivator for an accomplishment. Every run I take, thoughts of her come to my mind. I think of how amazing it is that the human body is capable of giving up a functioning organ, and yet still able to function. I am more fit now that I was in the weeks leading up to my donation. I remember feeling so focused on my health prior to that surgery and now I feel like it's even more important to maintain that.

I was running for my recipient before my kidney was gone, and now I'm running for all recipients that have yet to find a donor. I'm living proof to everyone capable of donating their kidney, that you will continue to live a full life and thrive in your fitness goals. I couldn't run more than 5 miles before I donated. I ran 10 miles yesterday. If there are skeptics that doubt the well-being of donors, I hope they can see the reality of not only maintaining their health, but improving upon it, after donation.

I'm not nervous for October 30th - I'm excited! I've enjoyed my journey in preparation of my big day. I've learned a lot about myself and I've learned that you don't really have to know someone to be inspired by them. I hope I can inspire others to take the initiative to entertain the option to be a donor, and register to give the gift of life.

Until next time... I'll be putting in my final miles, and still giving lots of smiles!

presence - 2011

This is my post from 2010. I told myself when I started this blog that I would not re-post. Guess rules were meant to be broken.  This is one of my favorite posts, and I feel that it's worthy of round two. Have a wonderful holiday everyone...

My memories of Christmas as a child are probably some of the fondest. I love my family and I thank God that I have the most caring, supportive and loving parents anyone could ask for. I can now recognize as an adult just how much effort, love, time and care they put into making Christmas truly special for me, and my siblings (but I know they love me most!) In my opinion, Christmas is for children. It's that one day of the year that is truly magical. Sorry, Disney, but I got one on ya!

I'm an adult now (biologically anyway) and Christmas just isn't the same. The magic is lost. The lights, the music and the spirit is still lingering, but the essence of what it always was as a child is now over. That's ok, and I don't mean that in a 'Debbie Downer' kind of way. I just think that being all grown up changes the perspective and the mystery is now diminished. Unfortunately, it seems that consumerism and a society that thrives on self-entitlement has stolen that beauty of what once was such a meaningful time. I often wonder if the 7-year-olds of today are as mesmerized by the simplicity of a homemade Christmas cookie as much as I was at that age, or those exciting trips to have breakfast with Santa.  Their focus has gone from the wonderment of crafted creations in the kitchen to the possibilities from a click of a button on an electronic device. There is no nostalgia in that, and I believe there never will be. I remember so fondly being at Grandma's house and the ribbon candy and white porcelain Christmas tree that lit up when you plugged it in. That's what sticks to your ribs and becomes a part of who you are. I know I enjoyed the presents, but my memories are more of the presence... of my family.

Christmas now is spent with my immediate family only, and while that has changed over the years, the time sharing laughter, food, drinks and love is still the same as it was when I was five. Sure, the cast is a little different, a bit smaller, a lot older, and much wiser, but the love is still there. My expectations year after year are minimal, but are always met because the most important gift of this holiday is the interaction among my family. Now that, is magical.

I hope that everyone is blessed with the opportunity to share time tomorrow with someone they love. Let's not forget what the day is really about, and how we can continue to give gifts throughout the year that don't come in wrapped packages. Gifts of support, time, care, knowledge, humor, kindness and love. I really have only one wish on my Christmas list - I wish that I might inspire someone to give the gift of life by becoming a living kidney donor. Ok, I lied, I have two wishes and the other one wears a pin-stripe uniform, swings a bat and has a really cute butt. Make the new year for you, the possibility of another year of life for someone else. Donating your kidney might not be for you, but what about donating your tissue and organs when you're deceased?

Create memorable moments tomorrow with the ones you love and enjoy the spirit of what the day is really about... booze! Kidding.

Until next time... Happy Festivus, everyone!

the dash

On Sunday, November 7, 2010, I had the pleasure (sad pleasure, but meaningful nonetheless) to attend a donor memorial, presented by the good people who work for The Center for Donation and Transplant (CDT), here in Albany, NY. My friend, Jen, is an organ procurement specialist for CDT and was kind enough to ask me if I would be interested in joining her. My immediate response was, ‘Sure, I’ll go, will there be any cake served?” Because it’s all about the sugar, really.

So, on Sunday afternoon, I put on my dress-up ‘girly’ clothes and off we went. Mistake #1 was not asking enough questions about exactly what this event entailed. Mistake #2 was neglecting to tote a large box of Kleenex with me. All I remember Jen mentioning was that there was going to be a guest speaker representing the transplant program at Albany Medical Hospital. I was intrigued by this and knew that I would walk away learning something about organ transplants, so I was game. What Jen didn’t tell me was just how sad, touching and heart-wrenching this ceremony would be.

This memorial is an annual event that pays tribute to all those beautiful people who have lost their lives, and donated their organs. Family members and loved ones of the donors were there to represent them and remind us all just how special they were and how special they continue to be, by giving the gift of life to someone else. Jeffrey Orlowski, CEO for CDT gave a beautiful opening speech, followed by a reading given by the parents of a donor. This poem is called, "The Dash". I was so moved by these words that I felt I should share them with you all. As I’ve said before, I understand that organ donation is not for everyone, and I can appreciate this. It’s a very personal decision. I do believe though, that anyone that reads this poem will for even a moment, think twice about how precious our lives are.

The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a reverend who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth…
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at “dash mid-range.”)

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

See, I wasn’t kiddin’ ya, was I? Wow, talk about rippin’ your heart out. After I abused the hell out of a box of tissues, it was time to strike up the band for more grief and misery. Why not add to the despondency in the room by inviting a musical trio to share a dirge or two with the crowd as the family members were invited to come to the front of the room to announce the name of the donor, and light a candle in their honor? There were 42 families invited, so I only tore up 42 tissues in the second half of this somber ceremony. I don’t remember the last time I felt so emotionally exhausted and torn up. While I would never volunteer to subject myself to this afternoon of torture again, I will never forget the meaning and acknowledgement shown toward so many deceased people that have given a new lease on life to so many others.

This event was important to me because it reminded me how much the gift of an organ, cadaverous or living, means to someone who’s life is diminished without it. For those that can’t go forward with the decision to be a living kidney donor, please don’t forget that you can still donate life by registering to be an organ, eye and tissue donor upon your death. How wonderful to be able to let your memory live on in the body of someone else, long after you’re gone.

I never got my cake at the memorial service, but I did get the opportunity to be among so many others that can appreciate and honor the meaning of organ donation.

Until next time... register to be an organ donor  today!

runnin' for my recipient

My surgery date has been scheduled for Wednesday, September 22, 2010!

Sure did sneak up on me, but something told me that I would not be receiving too much of an advanced notice. (A kidney-shaped 'Save the Date' card would be a nice touch, dontcha think?)  I received notice about 2 weeks ago but waited to share with everyone until I got some nugget of confirmation. The transplant coordinator at UCLA called me on Thursday to let me know that I will be required to get one more blood draw. Yep, I get to do that all over again. It was so much fun the first time! I will be FedEx'ing my blood to UCLA on Tuesday for one last final analysis by the brainiacs that calculate this crazy statistical matching process of blood types. At least it's crazy to me because I'm lost after a two-step math problem. They are so smart!

I will be sharing the itinerary of my surgery once I get it and I expect it to go something like this...
I get there and they adorn me with a beautiful, satin hospital gown, feathery slippers and a glass of Pinot Grigio to soothe me. I am transferred to a palacial, private room with soft jazz playing in the background and aromatherapy filling the air. There is a flat panel, hi-def, 40-inch TV with an unlimited number of new release flicks and a fridge filled with chocolate covered strawberries, wine, imported cheese and fresh fruit. The bed is laced with only the best Egyptian cotton sheets and a thoughtful nurse has placed a smokin' hot photo of Derek Jeter (nekked) on my bedside table with his personal thoughts and best wishes scribed on it.

Ok, it might not go exactly like that, but I'm certain it will be very, very close to it.

I'm back from la-la land. This past year I set a goal to run (5) 5Ks before the end of the year. I've exceeded that and I gotta say that it's not getting easier. I suck at it. Many of my friends are elite runners hammering out 10 mile runs on their 'easy' training days. Ugh, are you kidding me? Are you stupid? Not only is my running becoming more of a challenge, my pace is dropping, slowly. I've never been a competitive person, and truly could care less if I won or lost a card game, Monopoly, or a hot dog eating contest. My biggest competitor is myself. I'm my own worst critic and while some might say that's not exactly a healthy approach, I don't really know any other way to achieve my goals. I have always felt weird trying to 'beat' anyone, at anything. To be honest, this thing called running is a huge struggle for me. My form is pathetic, I need to nourish myself better in preparation for it and my 'everything' hurts, every time. But, it's so rewarding when I finish a race and just being able to cross the finish line is enough to motivate me to do another one.

In May, I participated in the kLaVoy 5K, in Saratoga Springs. This annual fundraiser supports Donate Life in memory of Kristen Lavoy, a local woman and kidney transplant recipient who lived freely for 15 years because of this gift.

My sign I wore, pinned to my rain-soaked jacket, during the race.

Prior to the start of the race I was introduced to Jen Salm, who is with the Donate Life Center for Donation & Transplant. She is involved with organ procurement and gave me valuable and interesting facts regarding organ donation. She is yet another special person that came into my life and impacted me on my decision to become a living donor. Thanks, Jen!

I'm running for my recipient now, and have been since I received medical clearance in July. Every time I run I have my recipient on my mind. I'm sweating and gasping for air and thinking how much pain I'm in. Then I think about the pain and discomfort she must endure every day. Her challenge is not an option, mine is. Just when I think I want to give up, or slow down, or puke (yep), I am reminded how lucky I am that I have the ability to push my body like this and I'm inspired to keep going.

Only ten days until my surgery to get in a few more hardy runs. I'm going to give it my all to be strong and complete my workout goals this week. I have my Warrior Dash race on Saturday, and I am so excited to be a part of this!  I just hope that my kidney doesn't fall out when I'm diving through mud pits and climbing over walls. I'll slap some duct tape around it prior to the start. Duct tape is the solution for everything.

I'm dedicated to being very healthy this week - in mind, body and soul. I've put down the tequila shooters, glazed donuts and chicken wings. The cha-cha heels that have smoked up the dance floor in Saratoga the past 5 weekends are in the storage closet. I've put my bungee jumping and sky diving events on hold. I'm finished with my freelance projects and will be getting some solid sleep this week. The only diversion from my clean-living week is the dysfunction junction I must attend daily, called work.

Until next time... I've begun my annual hibernation preparation at the homestead. Fleece and wool have replaced the summer apparel, and I'm in mourning. :-(