jogging to julia

I'm well rested. I should be, since it's now winter and I think the last time I posted a personal update, there were still leaves on the trees. I say I'm rested because I've been tired, for about 4 months now. Exhausted is more like it. Life is good, but I've been frustrated with a few areas of my life and my brain hurts from thinking too much. I have this ability to endure physical exhaustion much more than the emotional kind. I can work nonstop on my feet for days without a break, but ask me to find a solution to a life problem, and I cave until I can get another 9 hours of sleep.  Let's just say that I'm in transition now. I have made some decisions that I feel are going to be positive and challenging. Gotta have that challenge, right? Challenge is knowledge and knowledge is growth. So, stay tuned for updates.

If you've been following my journey through 2011, you all know that I made a decision to run a half marathon before the end of the year. On October 30, 2011, I finished the Los Angeles Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon in 2:20:51.

Sweaty, and stinky I'm sure, minutes after crossing the finish line.

My hand-crafted race day shirt, worn proudly.

The race was awesome! I had such a great time. I can still recall so many moments on the course. Probably one of the most rewarding and memorable experiences in my life. Right up there with the county fair. I'm not gonna lie to you, it was difficult and there were moments after mile 11 that I was asking myself why in the hell I chose this challenge instead of a hot dog eating one. But, I powered through and got my second-wind once I caught a glimpse of the finish line and the beer truck.

As I pounded the pavement that day, thoughts of meeting Julia, my recipient, filtered in and out of my head. Excited, anxious, curious and a teeny-tiny bit nervous. I can't say I had any expectations. It's a waste of time, as far as I'm concerned. Like anticipating when Derek will pop the question. I have no doubt he will, I just need to be patient and wait until he can rack in another $20 mil before we settle down.

I was staying in L.A. and she lives approximately 2.5 hours away. We mutually decided to meet at a Chili's restaurant and have a late lunch, so her daughter could join us after school. So, on Halloween morning, I schlepped a gallon of Starbucks coffee and my GPS all the way to Bakersfield, CA.

Me and my big hair arrived early (I'm OCD), and impatiently waited for her to arrive. My hands started sweating and I suddenly started feeling that ickiness in my tummy that would hit me every time I had a blind date. What if she doesn't show? What if she backs out at the last minute because she is having second thoughts?

Ten minutes later (how dare she be late) she walked in with her adorable daughter. We hugged and promptly took a seat in a booth in a hard-to-find, quiet corner. I perused the menu for something that wouldn't give me gas, or add an extra 5 lbs. to my delicate and fragile frame. What I really wanted was a margarita. That would have been a nice Kodak moment to capture, right? Me, my margarita and my California kidney. Conversation was very generic and initially focused on what else, Halloween. We chatted about her daughter and her school, the community and naturally - the weather. I decided that I was not going to lead the conversation, but instead take a step back and let her ask the questions. After all, just having this opportunity to be face-to-face with the woman that now has my kidney inside of her was more than I could ever ask for. Firing questions at her regarding her personal life was in my opinion, none of my business.

She shared much more with me about her journey, her illness, her time on the list, her dialysis treatments and her frustrations of waiting for a donor. She asked few questions, but one of which I didn't expect.

"What made you decide to donate?"

And so, I shared my story, which really isn't too much of a story. "Because I can. Because I wanted to provide someone in need, with just a little nugget of the good health that I was fortunate enough to have every day I wake up. It really wasn't a big deal, Julia."

She looked at me, and paused as tears fell down her cheeks, "It is a big deal, Angela. It's a very big deal. It's a big deal to me, my family and my daughter. You have completely changed my life."

And as she said that, it was then that I realized what I had done. This woman sitting across from me in a Chili's restaurant, in Bakersfield, CA is living with my kidney. Very surreal.

We spent 2.5 hours together, sharing stories of our families, our challenges and our goals. It was getting late, and time for her daughter to begin her trick-or-treating, so we decided to part. As we got up from the table I happened to look down at the floor and noticed a dragonfly tattoo on her foot. I asked her about it, and she told me that she loves dragonflies and collects anything with a dragonfly on it. I immediately thought of my blog, and the illustration featured on my page that I created in the summer of 2010.

Everything happens for a reason.

Julia and I, October 31, 2011 - Bakersfield, CA

inspiration - pt. 2

Catch up with 'inspiration - pt. 1', here.

My other inspiration to reach my goal, and reach it in Californ-I-A, is my recipient. I chose this particular race in L.A., for an opportunity to visit my kidney. My right kidney is feeling lonely and needs a hug, so, I decided to reach out to my recipient and ask her if she would be open to meeting me. I got an enthusiastic text message reply from her... "Yes, yes, yes!"

Visiting California, participating in my first half marathon and giving myself a much overdue vacation were all part of my plan. As joyful and exciting as it would be to meet my recipient for the first time, I didn't want that possibility to interfere with my goal. It had crossed my mind that Julia would not be receptive to me throwing myself at her (now who could deny me?) and cashing in on my visitation right. I didn't want to plan my trip to L.A. contingent upon her acceptance or rejection of my request to meet her.  So, I waited 2 days after I registered to reach out to her, and I'm glad I did. For the last 3 months my focus has been on my training, not on meeting her. It's not healthy for me emotionally, to have expectations in my life that I have no control over.

There's still a chance that Julia will not want to, or be able, to meet me. Many donors never get this opportunity. Some simply don't want to know or connect with their recipients. Some are promised a contact and then the recipient never follows through with the connection. Others still just can't make it happen because of the distance between them. I decided that it's now or never for me. As much as I love to travel, I don't have available vacation time, and my income is tied up in wine, Starbucks and athletic wear. I mean, a girl's gotta live, right? I need this time, for me. Plus, I love my job so much I know I won't want to take another vacation for at least 3 years.

My training has been going so well, I almost feel like I'm jinxing myself saying this out loud. I'm not denying that it has been hard, damn hard, but I feel so good about my progress. I think that following my plan precisely and maintaining some discipline with my nutrition has led me to successful preparation. I haven't been logging my pace - honestly, I could care less how long it takes me to finish. I've never been competitive, and my goal is to finish with a smile on my face. I fight my fatigue daily, and there have been times that I came so close to going straight home after work instead of hitting the park to run, but I can't let my fatigue beat me.

Simmer down, it's a temp. 

There's no doubt that my recipient has been a significant inspiration to me. Some might think that it's absurd to have someone you don't know be such a motivator for an accomplishment. Every run I take, thoughts of her come to my mind. I think of how amazing it is that the human body is capable of giving up a functioning organ, and yet still able to function. I am more fit now that I was in the weeks leading up to my donation. I remember feeling so focused on my health prior to that surgery and now I feel like it's even more important to maintain that.

I was running for my recipient before my kidney was gone, and now I'm running for all recipients that have yet to find a donor. I'm living proof to everyone capable of donating their kidney, that you will continue to live a full life and thrive in your fitness goals. I couldn't run more than 5 miles before I donated. I ran 10 miles yesterday. If there are skeptics that doubt the well-being of donors, I hope they can see the reality of not only maintaining their health, but improving upon it, after donation.

I'm not nervous for October 30th - I'm excited! I've enjoyed my journey in preparation of my big day. I've learned a lot about myself and I've learned that you don't really have to know someone to be inspired by them. I hope I can inspire others to take the initiative to entertain the option to be a donor, and register to give the gift of life.

Until next time... I'll be putting in my final miles, and still giving lots of smiles!